Sitting down here in a place I love the most to write down my blog, and feel how my acai bowl is tasting right now (: am I going to miss this pace?

Maybe yes, but I am going to find a place in Berlin for my writings to, so I am not so worried about it myself. Its more the way of talking about it and what is going on in my head, sitting here in café Wijck in Maastricht for that last time, or the last time will be next week? I cant say it but I definitely  like this place a lot in the time I explored my new way of standing in the world, exploring more on my way and looking ahead in learning to stand in life. This place is in all my memories, what I have done in the past two years a lot I wrote down here. So it looks like a little bit like last year, it is a place to start a new episode and journey I choose to explore, and I can’t wait for it.

But my planning in leaving is not here this time, it is at my brothers place, a place that head become one of my best places here in this region. I am talking about the club he owns and the restaurant that he and his partner opened this September in 2019. The last three years I explored my party feelings here in this club called Complex, what is standing in the city Maastricht. And my last new years eve crossing 2019 to 2020 I enjoyed myself the best I ever head, and not because of my first or second time I tested out an xtc pill, it was the way I felt I did something I only do in Berlin. The feelings in my body and soul came with the dancing with some other Girls on the podium near the DJ, and my brother and partner loved the way I did it. Feeling free with my skirt and stockings and nice suspender set of lingerie beneath it. They loved it I I enjoyed it even more on feeling that free in my mind, and yes that feeling free in my mind came lose here in the Netherlands because of that xtc pill. Even thinking about that pill, normally I am doing this sober in the clubs I am visiting there in Berlin. So not that it is all new it is more that I can do it here, even at my brothers place, and that is giving me a great feeling, looking back to all the nights here, yes I am going to think about this place often when I look what is coming to perform here.  

Performing in my dance classes is also coming to an end here in Maastricht with Kumulus, in 2018 I started here to explore my feelings in dancing again and it made me feel great, and it confronted me with a lot of struggles that lived in my passed. So the heeling I found in this dancing here with all the lovely people who danced with my on that little stage, I am going to find a way of explore my dancing there in Berlin.

And then looking to see what is happening on my day, the twenty-sixth of January, it will be my last day of working at the Barbeau. More than fifteen years ago I started here to work, I left the place in 2011 for four years and came back to do the things that all happened here, and were I am looking back to it like a treasure in my life. Feeling the love of all the guests and my colleagues is worth so much more than a hug, kiss and thanks that I already know, this way of place in my life I am going to miss the most. Feelings that my bosses are giving mee or some hate a little bit, it is that love of is around yea that makes my life were it is. And I can not make the step going to Berlin without this place. It is the place where I grow up in life and can fall back in the rest of my life. It is pure love I felt in living and doing, doing with the people of the village and feeling like home. (:     <3

So many people I am missing out to say goodbye but my time to do so is limited in these eleven days lying in front of me. So for all the ways having that feeling off all people that helped me in my life. Looking to that step of living in Berlin on my own, u al give me the power to do it (: