How can I start this one, maybe to say I am drinking a latte macchiato made with soya milk. And I am not kidding to say it is around the clock of eleven in the night, and I just went to the movie theatre to watch the movie 1917. I liked it and it was giving me the feeling of the way ‘band of brothers pacific’ was feeling when I watched these in 2010. But wow what a feeling this whole day around and what is going on in my head the past week, but to say it better what is going on in my head after I posted my last post of missing out some places. The past two days made me giving a different feeling of that, going to missing it.

Just to say the best part first, and my struggles on the last part of this blog, my day went through a lot of things. Started with my home to get it ready, what went ok but felt a little bit hard in feelings, and now ending with a great feeling in the Lumiere in Maastricht. But first telling about my dance lessons, I loved them and I especially the feeling I had of training. Maybe because of the things I am doing since the end of December, just in front of the year 2020 I started to do some push-ups and directly planking for two minutes, and for me the first day back in my dance lessons it started well that I did this. I felt I little bit more fit and my body did give that feeling of holding on and pushing more in having the balance in turning around with my dance moves. And the dance moves were lovely in a way of a lot of turning, dropping down and have some groundwork and back to jumping again. So yes in that feeling of having a workout, we did some planking in the lessons to (: it did give me a lot of energy and I am looking forward to do this more in the future, of course my dancing, but having a workout to. And maybe in all that way, in having a more fit body, I little bit less alcohol, can’t be that bad for me either. So in the start of 2020 I did try to keep out of beers and whisky. I can say did only drink about 6 glasses of alcohol this year, so I am feeling good about it.

Coming to see that I am writhing this peace of text in the Lumiere, it is a old habit, and one of that places I visited about every week in the past, first of all after my dance classes, and often I did have tow classes a week, so often I went two times to a movie. I really like it to cool of from my day and dance lessons, and I really like to watch movies, not the commercial ones but the more difficult story’s or weirdest one. With the feeling I have now, feeling tired but active to write this I can start with my feelings of all the habits that are here with me in this place, and not talking about my places that I love but the feelings that are around here, the struggles that are with them, and still be confronting me with some bad feelings that spook around in my body and soul, and seeing how I need to let go of all these feelings I really cant wait to go to Berlin. And my feelings in going with only one medium sized suitcase and my lovely backpack, (I am carrying it for maybe everything with me all the time I am traveling) feeling in the way to go with so less of stuff and confront myself to start new without of that materialism I had for years with me. My last days cleaning up my home and making the doors, painting the things that I needed to do, before going to Berlin. My morning did give me a feeling that I have a lot of pain with me to do these things, like painting and making a feeling of a home thing. I am done with it, I need to explore myself in living what I really like and stop carrying around old habits and stuff that keeps me feeling, I am still around my birthplace. A birthplace where my mom did pushed me in what is not me, and now I am alone without that feeling, she can’t control me, and now all the stuff I leave behind is not going to control me either. Maybe not the best way of saying it but I really want to push me to see new feelings in me and start over with my life. Really putting out a question I like this, how can I know that I like something I do wen it was pushed in me, to do so. Is this really me what I am doing? And yes I feel like dancing is something I really like, now for me, making an afford for it to really practice this and getting in a good shape of my body to perform more, and going with my soul into the feeling it is not forbidden to do so. And then the way I know I am a millennium like Simon Sinek is saying so often. Yes I am feeling right like it is so going on in myself that he is so right, I am lazy and I do need to make more afford in pushing me do it with more afford.

Maybe going to leave, all this way of feelings I had here my past thirty-four years, starting in berlin is a way I can make more change in myself, even more in me that I ever had before in doing it. Not easy but going trough my head with this thought, I cannot wait to set my goal in the future of making even more change in feeling that inner self. My inner self what is growing to set that future for me.

So letting a little bit of rest in my head, I asked B for some help in my home to get it all done and letting go of the bad feelings that are around me when I am doing it alone. Now getting the help to do it, without success at a start that is in front of my nose to explore myself, I am glad I asked for help (:

So with that out of the way. Maybe I need to let go more than I aver head in my mind, to let it go bye and start with less, even less what was in my plan before. I feel I can get more out of myself if I set that goal a little bit further into leaving only with my clothes and the necessary things I use daily.

What a lovely way in telling this to all of you, giving me a better feeling in how to look forward to my journey. Going to start over nine days, I actually started on the last days of May 2019, the day I visited C for the first time there in Berlin, and what started in a way of visiting, I begun to love it so much that I am going to live there. (: