My way to Berlin, feelings in me.
How did it happen for me that now on this day I am leaving to Berlin with a train, starting to live there for a little wile or de I really need to say a time? Yes I signed my contract for my room for that two years so I will see what is happening for me in that two years starting with this night (:
Actually I can’t say it directly what made the point I did choose for Berlin, it all came bye and I said yes to it. So my room and my place where I can work are coming from the connections I have with my guests and on that way I am saying yes to it. But to see how my love for the city grew in going there was starting in May. In may I went to C to visit her to see how she is living there, and she said to me, Fej I found a place what u are going to love. So on that way when I was there she let mee see how Club KitKat is and indeed i loved it, not on the first night but on the second time I was in Berlin I visited it on a Saturday and after that night I felt lovely to be there. Now looking back how I felt to have a vacation booked for thirteen days in a row, that vacation did give me the feeling I want to stay, I really want to stay here. So on my train back to home I wrote a peace on my blog, it is in Dutch (:
After that feeling it started to grow in me and after that visit it came trough my feelings if it is plausible to leave my birth region and rent out my house. A lot of feelings if it is a coming bye talking that I really try to live there in Berlin. So in that way in talking and visiting Berlin for a 3th 4th 5th and 6th time I did get from the connection of guests a possibility to have a summer job in Berlin called Rosengarten so in the beginning I am having three months free and in May I am starting to work there. So in all the talking a room was presented to me by other guests and I felt good about it, so on the 17th of December I visited Berlin for the 7th time and looked at the room and in the feeling of having it came to me I said yes and here I am, going to Berlin (:
In the month after my last visit I did manage to rent out my home and now I am feeling free to tell u all that I have a great feeling about it to write it all down now. Now I a way of having my waving away party in Restaurant NOON Maastricht in Complex Maastricht.
And in a feeling in saying this (:
I don’t know what I’m going to do in Berlin, but I want to test myself, walk new paths, run into myself and see where I can stand.
Wat do I want to find in Berlin, am i running away from my old environment?
Wy I want to dive into a new episode for myself and exploring a way if diving into a deeper hole, am I feeling oke’? or do I think, that it is a feeling of out of your comfort zone an idea that is I my head. Aaaaaah don’t make me crazy fej of course it is a big step for me to just do it, I never went out of my birthplace that often let’s say I am going to live in Berlin. Afterall I feel like it and I actually really don’t know why, my feelings and inner self is screaming for it but my Capricorn in me is saying its not a good idea, for what? Not a good reason or do I want to make a reason just to go to let feel that Capricorn in me that it is good. And what is good hahaha.
No to make sure of me and seeing were I am coming from in the last three years, it is an opportunity to explore myself because I am feeling great and I am looking for my soul to get that exploration, and feel how I can make things my own. Habits and feelings I can bind me with, myself letting old habits free and say that they exist but not having the upper hand in me to fall back on. Going to that state of mind end feeling a new route popup end following things that is not typically my old me. Just let it go and feel how it is to do new things. And for me how I felt in love with the city and the way a culture thing is always going on were ever you are here in berlin, for me it is my exploration to find it.
So for this short introduction why I am going to Berlin is more in the hands of letting me be end just go for it (: I am looking forward for it.
The new way of a way of life, new or old habits ? how can i push myself more to a road that is so new I cannot trust it to walk it without pushing myself?
Why do I keep asking myself so a difficult questions all the time. And is it the old habit were I am always confronting me or is it the environment were I live in that is difficult for me, not that I hate it but for me there is a big difference when I am going to an other city wen people don’t know me, and even to say I prefer to go away from the Netherlands. German or Belgium are so different in a way of seeing other people, for me it is more the way how Dutch people always presenting them self instead of introducing them self. Or the way economics often have a hand in the way people are. Not that I am screaming to leave the Netherlands I like that I am Dutch and I like the country I lived in for thirty four years. But exploring more is the way I feel that I think it is a good way to leave my country for a wile and see what can happen in that exploration. Do I repeat myself?
How can I prepare myself that I am not falling back to easy in my comfort zone of old materialism
I can say yes I love my old materialism, and I know it is not bad it is things I can hold on to and make a feeling of that things are nostalgic that they are with you for a long time now.
After all, who can say what I am searching?
For me it is searching myself I a way I never did before, if is going to help mee find in I cant say. What I can say now, I al living live better than ever before. For me that’s a beautiful thing.
I will say nothing about failing, not that it exist but every day every step is a way and I am happy in a way I am doing this (: