Without telling things for twenty days I arrived yesterday with my post in how my feelings are doing (cortado and Croissants) and a little bit of the KitKat Stuff with the friends I make everywhere. End so I came along with the people who are making music, and friends who are playing there music here in Berlin. So to meet D and J at OHM on the Thursday I went on my own the next day to KaterBlau, end yea this is a club/community I really love. Surely because of the way how they started with Bar 25 in 2001, the whole story around this place is why Berlin exist with all these clubs around here. Yea bar 25 is not the only one but how they made it with there feelings to live and exploring life with theatre, restaurant, bars, Club and so much more, yea KaterBlau is a club I loved directly. So I did go for a party till two o’clock, even when i went outside to see the sun the party here will continue till Monday or Tuesday (: but my day needed a bit of sleep because D asked me to come with them to Berghain. So after I had a feeling of rest for about six ours I think, I took a shower had some dinner or breakfast depending on what or how you see it?

Better to say wen u take drugs, it is not how good will you sleep, it is more in giving your body rest. Your mind or my mind is going into dreams and feeling very active every time I am doing this. So if you need rest for your brains, you can better be sober 😛 but yea wat cares for me is more the way of letting go my energy and meeting up new people and dance together. So yea here I go with D and J to Berghain, first time for me and then coming inside to just skip the line, say you’re the guest and here we go. So coming here for the first time, end I need to say wow what a nice place to have a party. And like always here in berlin, wen u are coming on a Saturday at one o clock in the night, the place here feels empty. Better to say wen a club is open for three days in a row without a break u can be better here on a Sunday. Wen the sun is shining outside you go in to party, let go off the world outside and do what u like. For me this is often dancing, going in wild with the beats, and have a battle on the dancefloor, so I did with a couple of guys and girls and that’s what I want to see. Giving all the energy u have in your body and go with the flow, maybe I really know why I want to have these dance lessons at Motion*s. it is giving me the flow to let go with the moves end knowing what your body is capable of to reach these moves. Yea I need to train more so today at five my jazz lesson will start, I am looking forward to it.

But that’s not all of it, at half past four we left Berghain to go to Tresor, J is playing there till closing time. So we left and went to a club what is a little bit more for the tourist people, than the die-hard fans, but that’s not how Tresor came alive here in Berlin. Tresor is a club who came alive in an old bank building, but after leaving the place because of the government and not having the money to buy there own place. But Tresor is not the only club with this problem, even Berghain moved twice before they bought the old electric factory. Its more that the good clubs with an more open door policy are easier to get in for the tourist people. And like Kitkat, KaterBlau, Berghain and more clubs they have a stricter policy for the people who want to come in. so here we go to Tresor, J is playing till the and so she is the last DJ for the Saturday morning. And to say here name here, I really love Overland, she is playing like a badass boss. So I went crazy with the people who were there, and I danced my ass of because of the F…. Beat. Yea I really had a nice party and she ended her music around ten in the morning. I really need to say to J that I love her way of playing and she is giving me that here on the dancefloor <3

So to continue the party we all went back to Berghain, here the building was filling up more. So the party went on and like I said before, I find the nice battles here on the dancefloor to let go all of that energy. End while u are swatting, u need to drink and rest out a little bit to, so chilling in the club is the best part to meet new people and feeling free in who you are. That’s a thing what I like here, telling you that Berghain is actually a gay club, it begin all in the nineties for the gay community. Now berghain is for all the people who want to be more than just normal and letting show your feelings. )We still have LAB.oratory in the basement but that is a whole other story, maybe when I go for a visited I tell)  So here in Berghain you will find a variety of people who let go, end party a lot, yea I feel this vibe and I will come back again.

So after the light went down again on the Sunday I did a little bit more than giving my thoughts in what my body can do, so I fucked a little bit up in the club to have sex with a guy. A guy who was just stupid. Not that it is bad but common, the difference in man are so enormous in knowing what to do with a vagina, its common sense that u cannot put you fingers in wild like a beast with your long nails, so F that. Ok everything is ok now and it’s not the first time it happened but its more the way I need to feel and see that there are man who don’t have a clue what to do when they are horny and….. Ok that’s enough Fej. So I had my sex for ten minutes (only for him I think) but ok I had the problem to go to the toilet now. Walking in seeing a queue like to long to wait, I asked for some toilet paper and went to a corner to wipe my blood of my vagina. Not know how much it is, but it felt ok, u know your feelings are getting to you and for me it is maybe better to go home. Asking for the second time some toilet paper, two girls were asking what the hack I am doing. And just to give them an answer I said yea I have my period and I am losing a little bit of blood. More in the knowing I don’t want to stand in the line for something like that. With an awkward face they looked at me and I was giving them a nice smile of yea this is me. So I said to all of the people goodbye and I went home just after two o’clock, once outside you see people come inside of the club and I think yea this is club life in Berlin.

Once I had my shower and looked there downstairs it was nothing new, just the thing I expected and I put in some paper and went to sleep it all off. So after waking up, drinking water, going to pie and fall back asleep my Monday went by in the bed. So my Tuesday arrived and it was the day of my second job interview, this went well, went ok, but the practice I needed to do was quite hard. It was writhing and translating as a storywriter, and even I did good and ok for doing, I heard yesterday that someone did better and they are going for her instead of me. Too bad or maybe I needed to give a little bit more, but ok next time better. So standing here after that interview I went back to sleep, watched a movie and sleep right after it again. So having a party for three days I needed to sleep for two. So here is my Wednesday coming and like always I have my dance lessons. End having an workout of one and a half ours stretching and doing it is just like on the dancefloor only without the alcohol and drugs, no it is better, much better to have dance lessons. So taking an shower and feeling my body full with energy I did felt so good to go to club KitKat. This night was more feeling like the old days, only one difference. It’s the difference that I didn’t drink anything of alcohol or taken some drugs, I was feeling all clear and I met a guy who did give me so much. My night had a lot of sex and feelings to meet a guy who really knows what to do with an female body. Its more the way he treating me end let me learn how to do doggystyle, and not that this was the first time, it was a time I felt he was holding me, end treating me like a woman with an real vagina than a transwoman.

End here I go to say what I liked in this way or in what happened to me in my soul and how my body want to keep up, so I am going to explain something.

And that is how there is one difference in my body with an neo vagina and a ciswoman with an original vagina. First I don’t have an

uterus and ovaries but when people feel inside even the people who bring babies alive don’t feel a difference in how my vagina is made or looks, they don’t see it. The only thing that they feel is that my bone structure is different, it’s the way how my pelvis is. My pelvis is standing differently and that’s exactly what I feel when I am doing doggy style. My hips cant compete with an cis woman hips and pelvis structure. So standing there with my feet on the ground, he is pushing my head on the bed and put pressure on my back to go lower with my back but keep up my hips and but. While he is penetrating me I feel amazing and it is the feeling in the way of dominating me, and me feeling lovely with being submissive. And while we having sex and I love to go harder, I feel really great and aaahhh so much more that I cant stop doing this, so after a hour or two we fall on the bed and afterwords I did give him a nice massage. I took a shower end went home, just to making space for myself and the timing was good. After walking outside and seeing all the people around you going to work and school, its again the feeling in me that I am loving to be here in Berlin and finding my own way. But I don’t want to end this, so after I slept for eight ours I did do some writhing’s what I never posted. And loving the feelings how my body is feeling, and just saying in how my hips are differently. I really felt it on my body, I felt like I did run an marathon. I can’t say it is pain, it was feeling tired. And like I have muscle pain down there behind my upper legs, it’s all because I am using different muscles on an different way I ever had done before, I love it but its not always easy. And I know I need to train the muscles more and more, or better to say I want to have more and more sex this way (:

So yea here I stand eating some dinner to go on to the next night, it will be GoldenGate, just in the neighbourhood were KitKat and KaterBlau is, just crossing the bridge or the spree u will find GoldenGate hiding under the U-Bahn bridge of Janowitzbrucke. Here will L be playing and like last weekend I am on the guest list, so walking in is so nice. The club is quite small but very nice with their atmosphere and the people who are coming here often. So I went in alone and D came a our later. Here I am again end here I go again, party, dancing, chilling and meeting new people. Doing it all over again, and again and so I spend up my day after in this club. Going back while the sun was shining so nice, I felt back into my bed to rest out, maybe to rest out again for the next party. But here we go with the crazy and knowing why the clubs are closing for the Coronavirus. So looking around and eat together with D some spaghetti I made at home, we had a nice dinner together with red wine and a good conversation. So after al the eating and stories we went to go to KitKat. There was nothing on the site or Facebook that they were closed. KaterBlau and bargain closed because of the Coronavirus, so we looked at KitKat end when we arrived the gates were closed. Dammed to bad this, so we walked towards the spati were more people were standing and we hooked up with two girls from France. After meeting my Wednesday partner in a cab, he was saying that Die Weise Haze open is, so on that good luck we all got in a Uber to that place. And here it was, an club what was open and at tree o’clock there was a queue, not to long but not really moving.

So once we stand there we noticed that the club was full and we needed to wait, waiting for people to come out. So after standing there for more than two ours the bouncer said that one people with a vagina can come in, so feeling proud to walk in the front I felt so good with this opportunity. So we finally got in, and while we paid the entrance and writhing down our emails, (for notification of the Coronavirus)  I felt the trust of D with me, he helped me to stand two ours of our time in the queue, I felt to cold with my latex skirt and open panties, but holding him while wating, and giving him hugs to feel his body. He was giving me the power to go in together, even I wanted to go home because of the cold and long waiting time. thanks D, I love you. So after warming up my ice-cold feet we danced with the four of us all morning long. Even wen the other room was closing, the party went on in the other room. So here I am dancing again and having a great time to meet new people. And like the ours past bye I came in contact with an guy who was asking me to come to the toilet, and me like going on easy followed him. And just before we arrived at the toilet the bouncer was grabbing him and pushed him to the exit door, ok wow what happened, wow that’s a saver I think. After a while I did felt lucky in what happened and thinking how easy things can go wrong wen u trust to many people. So for an ending in how this happened I had a good night knowing that I can trust a lot of people but need to be more careful not to go alone with myself, and someone else I just met. Damn lucky girl, damn nice angels near my head. Yea thank myself that I need to take care. So after this incident another guy came to me, I did met him earlier on the dancefloor and we had a nice conversation before. So he was saying not to trust everyone, and doing it with an feeling that he was sad that I am here putting myself at risk not taking care of myself. So after a hug and changing me in an special person (what I don’t like but its not the biggest problem when I feel ok with it, often for a short period of time or doing wild once a year) ok so he is making me special what I don’t like in a way but his feelings were ok, I met up with his friends end we danced together, especially with her, on the dancefloor giving each other the power to go on. So D was still here and I told him the story to, after four o clock we went home together end we both felt in sleep when we arrived at my place.

We both slept all night and day long and maybe we want to have a party at my place, because more and more clubs are closing. And we did had a lot of party, so yes this Saturday I had the feelings to go to KitKat again. But D and me we had some dinner together end we spend the night together at my place instead of going to a club.

Waking up on Sunday we slept more and had some own time, after visiting his room just on the other side of the park where I am living, we left each other in the Sunday evening. Going home and feeling the rest I needed in my body. I fell asleep like an rose, nothing needed or anything but rest and enjoyment to be alone. But not for long, after I woke up the sun was shining so nice, that I went outside for a walk, and after passing bye good morning Monday I met op with a girl I met before here. After a chitchat we had our nails done and after that I met up with D, J and M. together we had a nice berlin feeling near the water with some wines and beers, after all this we ended up in my room to eat end chat even more. Meeting with so an nice people here around is giving me the good feelings. there is coming more, but I will let that be to another post, for another time (: