How can I feel in what I am doing now, it’s the feeling in me that’s stuck in kind of a way I don’t know. Hello here its me, not the same as my last written piece. I am feeling better but the same thing I talked about is still going on. Maybe I am calmed down and the things I needed to do, I did, but the situation is not as comfortable as I head in mind. Surely everyone is having kind of a same feeling so what are we talking about. To see the best thing that is happening to me is the decision that I came to Berlin, even the coronavirus is not going to change that. it’s just a bit awkward, luckily I am here to see how life is going on the public what is open, I am mostly looking to hike or sit in the park. And that sitting in the park is often making me feel good that I still can go outside. Like now I am typing this while the sun is going down, so like the picture is showing u I see the northern star with the view of Berlin while the sun is falling down to come op later on the other side. yes I am in Berlin and I am loving it, but I can’t wait till I have some work and clubs that are open for forty eight ours in a row…

Yes I can say it, not that I am here so long to have been in every club or place but my first month was great to see me go. So letting go that struggle and feel what is still inside me holding me down, to say I am doing good is more the pronouncement of easy. I am doing it easy to see  how I feel now, not like my first month were mostly the time I spend was partying. No for now I am feeling the time that I need on my own, even the friends who I met last two months need to wait. I am really feeling I need some time on my ow to feel were I am and how I can do things I like. Not that it need to be easy but I think it’s the right time to see what’s in you, so what is it? I actually don’t want to say, its more that I am waiting to see if its possible to see some results and I need to practice it. More coming out of an old habit that I changed three years ago and what I need to repeat now. But that’s an more body kind of attitude and playful things that’s going around my head, just a little bit what I told in my post before this. I did put an password on it because its not that nice to read, so I don’t want to make u all scared. But if u want to read it think about my name (:

The friends what I make are not always easy and sometimes it can be an pain in the ass to cooperate together to much, that I really need more time to see how people I just met are becoming friends or just some people who keep them to know. Even things in how I feel doing are things in me that I need to handle, easer said than done. I am glad here how I feel the need to handle it on my own. I kind of like the struggles I have to see how I am handle the feelings in me. Even the feelings in who I am are going sometimes wild, and the time I am spending in my room are not so easy. I am mostly  bored and I need to see that I am doing something else than watching YouTube and Netflix. So last week I finished my last book what I brought with me, and I cannot wait till the new ones arriving. I order the books ‘the left hand of darkness’ and ‘never let me go’ so I hope I can settle down for this week and read, and doing a little bit of tinder dates (: drinking coffee whit a Dutch girl I met in the park, and maybe I need to find a new colour for my hear. Or I will find a flow that I just go outside for a walk, passing by some people who are asking me something and one hour later u are sitting with five people together in a room having a great time. Just being somewhere can give opportunities, especially in a bigger city.

End now I feel It is more the things I am going to do something. I am glad that I did send some applications to find some kind of job. So time is going to tell what is coming, I am flowing with some difficulties and every choice can be the one I made or what’s lying in front of you. I think I just need some time (: