Wen times come and the feeling in me is getting more and more into the things I try to reach. Even my last weeks are actually great in doing things and do some party things outside of Berlin. Eventually the need and way of searching more work than the Rosengarten bar is a little bit harder. But my last week I did become a nice tip and I worked more day, but still I did go fast trough my savings these months. But this is not why I am writing this peace now; it happened that A and me came together and decided to do a Rope session togheter in his place. Just to say it, yea I am feeling really, really exited with a relaxation in myself.

Its between thinking how he is getting his rope around me and the way I can feel his soul go over me with his touch. How will it feel and how did it come that we are doing this now? It’s a topic I talked about with some close friends and last year it was the first time I saw him doing a rope session with a girl in Club KitKat. It was the time I was exploring things in me with my new body, and the step to go living here in Berlin is one of the things to do these things I want to explore. It is me wat want more sexual experience and more kinky stuff to explore in me, I cannot forget the younger me in this with feelings of rope and the way of being submissive in allot of ways. Sometimes ending up in a wrong way how life is, more like submissive every time and not standing for my rights in jobs and friendships in school. And now I feel that I want to put effort in my femininity in being there for myself and stand in my power. And wen the time is right let my sub feelings come out in play, sex, and all that I want to do. Even with the know how that it is hard for me to not talk about is. Its new and when I talk with my friend about this its often to kinky or weird way to talk about these topics. So, the friends I am meeting here are the same as the old days so I need to see with who or wen I can talk about Rope, bondage, and kinky feelings in me.

Working there in Rosengarten its no problem to give it a mention but a talk about it is still mostly off topic. But with M I can talk more about it and I hope with the rope events I am following now I can meet more and more people to have a talk with it. So, I love the time that is coming alive in me even I did need to wait a little bit more for it. Mostly because off corona and the shutdown procedures that happened the last three months. And now I am going to say that it is time, it is time that I am now hanging in some ropes to explore my model feelings with it. Still with the realisation that it is becoming real and maybe a feel of a longer relation with A to do of more than one time.

I did write this down sitting outside at GoodMorningMonday two hours before I am going to A. it is a feeling that brings allot in my feelings and I hope for me that I can relax while I am hanging there. Its not the first time I did a suspension but the feelings with A are making this so much more than I can explain on paper for you. I love my search to all these explorations and I feel that I really can grow in being here with myself.

Coming back to the words I wanted to say but I lost it again in writhing what I really wanted to explain. I can be a real mess in telling stories in my just explained text. So just that comeback to A and how I saw him the first time and how I am wandered around with rope whole my life. Coming to KitKat and seeing his profession in doing rope suspensions in the middle of the club worked me off asking him the next time I was there. But even the third time I was there it was still not being asked if I could hang there so after my third Saturday somewhere in July, I asked him, if he wanted me in the ropes as a model. Sorry for it but the answer was no, not feelings sad but also feeling relieved in what I explore later on wen I saw him more and more times. Even helping him with folding down his ropes didn’t worked out to have a better contact. Till the moment I started to live here in Berlin. It was the time I was seeing him in KitKat and Berghain, sometimes more than just eye contact and talking more and more often how we are feeling. And then I met him in the park, it is the park near my place I live and we met, the first time we had a nice take out of any clubs just in the right mood of making contact. In the couple of months, we saw u more and more and eventually he contacts me in a chat. Asking me if we could do a walk inside the park. What eventually ended up in his place what was a haven of me. coming so close to someone I admire in his profession it came closer and closer to ask him that question again. Asking him to do a rope session. Even making pictures of him hanging on one thick rope under a bridge, just above the water was making me feel great. So, I asked him if he wanted to do a rope session, but still the answer was no. but not a directly no, more like a yes but not this time. so, seeing us more and more often outside in the park or the street it was coming to a Friday when we sat down in the park. Even climbing a tree to hang out in. When we sat down and drink a mint-tee I finally asked him in a really sub feeling way of not really asking him if we could do a session together, more like hinting through it. So last Friday sitting there he asked me if I would like to do a session with him, and I said yes. After a year I seeing him for the first time a am feeling great in how things went, maybe the perfect way of doing it. How will it go now? Is a question I will tell you all.

Desire in me is telling a way that can feel really new and the trusty feelings in me, looking at my body and how free my soul is getting. It is setting free in thoughts and let things be more and more put of a standard. And here I am writhing my feelings that is exploding with joy. Can’t wait in all my feelings right now. Till tomorrow to let all of you see how my picture is saying more than words can do right now. (: