What i want… doing it.

Wow what a week and what and way to blow it off with the best with love, sex, experience, doing things that just happen in front of me and doing the things I dreamed about.

In what way I could I not give an intro like this, it is the week that feelings came around in me that are like dreaming and things coming tough in what I never could expect this fast, and that all in one week. Yes a busy week and it just started slowly on my Monday just after I did another nice weekend. The Monday started with my new colleagues, sitting with the five of us at the Weisensee, in the sun swimming and feeling the Joy of being a kid playing under a fountain in the middle of the lake. And the way of ending the evening on an hill were we two, E and me sat down for an night with a talk and feelings to say were we stand in our lives, especially that life of me just coming to Berlin.

To say how my Tuesday started with a nice sleep after twelve and starting work at three o’clock in the day. Its my workday in Rosengarten and on a Tuesday, we mostly have a movie playing on our open-air Kino. Its for the people who are interested in a story off other people and sometimes feels like a documentary. It bringing good feelings to a place were u can have your platform to show your story. Its free for everyone to join and feel free to ask about it. And so, we had for the first time this summer that rain did blow the evening, too bad the rain, but that’s how it happened… so now we need to search for another date. Too bad the gods were not with us for this time. After work I went home for another good sleep.

Waking up again like I mostly do so around noon my day started slowly and at six I went to Rosengarten, to go for hoolahoop, it’s one of the evenings I like the most here at Rosengarten and it’s an good workout for your body and soul, it reliefs time and stress. And once u have the feeling of it it’s hard to get out of it. So, to not doing this the whole night I went to get some dinner for T and me and after dinner M joined to try some hoolahoop herself. Surrounded with lovely people and making new friends the night went fast and after the last session hoolahooping I went home on my bike. Finding my bed to sleep at around one o clock. I fall asleep like a stone after so much hoolahoop.

And that sleep went on till noon again and I woke up because M texted me to go for a bike ride. So, after a breakfast and a good coffee I went to her at three, I biked the nine kilometres too her place. We ended up biking for about twenty-five kilometres this day and that ended in Tempelhofer Feld, the airfield that’s now a park. While we sat down to eat our falafel, I ended up talking to a girl next to me, it felt out that she was waiting for another friend and we somehow talked about things we both liked, in a moment I reach her out some papers, papers about trauma heeling. It’s nice how I got the papers because once I had an tinder date just before I had my operation in Thailand, and till this day we have contact and share allot of books and papers, and so just a couple days ago I printed these papers to read it and in an moment we talked about all of this and charred numbers. Having a nice contact to talk about deeper stuff what not everyone likes. So, my Thursday went on to go to my event evening what I am visiting now for a couple of months. Its about bdsm and what we like in it, and how we can meet new people who like it too. So, after a short bike moment I arrived at B-lage in Neukölln.

Coming here to see mostly people I already saw before is nothing new and so I saw A already sitting here with a new thing doing. She was drinking a beer and even I know she is with the car I was surprised in it. After I joined the table and give C and the others a hug, I give A the biggest hug, maybe because we are quite close and interested in more than just bdsm. After a welcome and asking how her vacation went, I saw J joining another table and with a little wink we greet each other. But not long after we wanted to switch tables for another conversation the three of us ended up together at a table in the corner. Even in seeing us giggle and touching we said to each other we need to do something tonight and not here. So, without u letting guess what we did… (: but first we were  getting back to the rest talking for another twenty minutes and after that we picked up my bike and walked to the car. Putting a quite big bike in the backseat of a cabrio, we went off to get some play toys at the place of J, while A did drink that beer she asked me to drive, mostly on an Thursday I am staying sober… because of the things I want to do in the night. So, after me behind the wheel we drove to J and after that we went to my place. Driving around here in the dark with allot of fun together in the car its something that allot of people see and like to see. And so, we enjoyed the ride and ended up laughing while we stumbled into my room. After a shower for the three of us, the fun started and ended at six in the morning, it was the time when we fall asleep on the same mattress together with good feelings.

Waking up and still with some feeling of adrenaline in our body’s A decided to go at nine o’clock home and I pushed j out after one, mostly because a colleague of Rosengarten, N asked me to have a coffee and a gelato as breakfast. So, a nice start of a day that went in another dream, but first I went to work at my new place Sotto. Here I saw E and E again and we had a nice working evening. Still new for me to be here and hear all the Italian people talk with all the passion in it, so maybe there are times coming that I know some words to speak it to. After work we ended up with the five of us and we twisted about what we are going to do, or we are going to a home party or to C. Both of us didn’t know it but in the end, we got with the U-Bahn to Neukölln and we decided to see how the home party is. So, after one we arrived and arrived in the wg apartment where we started in the dancing place, with a DJ playing some nice vibes I got a beer from C and after a half hour my colleagues said it is to warm for them here. I said yes, it is warm here but I really like the vibe and the boys (:

so, after a decision that I am staying here and the rest went to the other place I felt ok with it. so here I am surrounded in a place with nobody I really know but the feeling is good, or to say the feeling is something I know but not always good for everyone. But in the ten minutes after my colleagues left the question from one of the guys was if I wanted a xtc pill. I said maybe and even then, I have my own when I really wont one. Without looking weird I saw two guys taking one and I ended up in myself what I wanted in doing, but while I know the vibe that is going on I just took a nip if my own xtc, it was the half of an quarter so with 12% in my body I felt good with the whole vibe, even when I know when I am not taking I will feeling fine in this vibe. But sometimes having the same thing on it hooks u op more and so after an hour I hooked up with M. it’s a guy just a little bit taller than myself and allot more muscular with a small belly 😛 I liked him already before my xtc and so it went quick after the pill. So here I go having an home party in a WG (living community)  ending up in an bed what was free, and without thinking and without lube I was horny as fuck and so we fucked, and I like it, I know I like it and how it happened is just what I like. So, taking a shower and joining the party again is feeling good, and going back to dance is a same thing I did often in KitKat…. Ah I miss the times there in KitKat….

After some dancing together with fifteen other people the party was great, and after two hours I ended up in the same bed with the same guy. Here I am doing it and loving it, doing it long and crazy in thoughts I ended up even saying I want to stop. Not the first time but still wanting more is another thing. Coming back in the party that is ending and people are leaving I ended up with another guy kissing and even in a while we could end up with the three of us. But not for this night and maybe another, and after the sun already came up, I played a chess game with another guy. Even winning the game made me feel good and it was not an easy one and we even played with a timer on ten minutes. After eight I asked M if I could lie down in his bed, he said yes and after a glass of water I felt cosy and was sleeping in no time.

Here I am waking up in another bed in another place in the city, the sun is shining and the night I had sex with a guy that is lying near me holding my hand. I feel my freedom and fresh air blowing true the window, it is summer and I am standing up to go to the toilet. Putting on a t-shirt of his and walking to the window of the living room, it is open and I pick up a cigarette, or making one as allot of berlin people do. Sitting here in the window with a big t-shirt on, smoking a cigarette with my naked legs hanging in the window. People outside in the street are doing their things and I a just feeling nice, more than nice in how I feel and how things are going. I finished my cigarette and watch outside, I am feeling free in this moment, and after a while I am hearing some noise in the kitchen. I am walking to the kitchen and see E, she is in a big t-shirt to, looking in the fridge, looking for a snack or something to eat. I say hello and she responding hey you are still here, nice, u want a coffee?

Yes please,

I enjoy my moment like this, it’s not totally new but the way it is feeling is one of my dreams, it is living I never expected to have, end in the way it happened I feel amazed in my dream like this, that it  is no longer a dream. It is feeling free and wonderful in doing.

Yes doing, feeling and no fair in not doing, no fear is something other people who know me will agree and still some fear is good and I have it. And some fear I have are disappearing in my life, fear of deep water and fear of inner pain are leaving my body, its part of my bdsm feelings and coming to berlin that is giving me this healing.

So, am I half way here in my Saturday now? I think.

After leaving the wg-house just before four I went home to take a shower and putting on some new clothes. Feeling free and somehow awake I went to Rosengarten for a drink and some dinner, but the dinner I had in my head did not happen and after a bite of a burrito from R I started with some beer and ended up in an car to the place of M, yes I am going a little bit faster now and I had a nice evening and now my night here at M is feeling cosy and cuddle like. After a lot of talking an doing some fake tattoo’s I felt cosy, falling into the bed of M for a sleep what was different than my other nights and sleeps. Good and still tiered of last night I slept ok, not great. After a little chat with A in the morning that she could pick me up on another address where I am living and giving the address of where I am now, I slept till one o’clock. After a shower and hug to say goodbye to M I stept in the car of A and we drove to the workshop we had planned together. And here is were my life is becoming different, it is feelings and heeling myself with someone I like switching in doing. We are feeling good wen we do this together and it is one of the reasons we are interested in each other. After this day the time we have with our body’s and souls together feeling love and freedom to explore our feelings in this. It is amazing in how I feel with her in this and I hope we can practice our souls in it to let things come out of it. Talking and doing is what we are interested in and here I am together with her. Good feelings and a good way of knowing.

After all this she dropped me at Rosengarten were I need to work, after a talk and hug and another hug and kiss I stepped out of the car and felt in another world or dimension, it took me an hour to feel coming back and even F were I was working with felt and saw it to. He did give me some space and a coffee, and after that we worked. But in all of a change it happened again, it happened that a woman and man were sitting on the balcony here in Rosengarten and while they are sitting down, she asked me to come and have a drink together. Even after serving that second drink I didn’t take the time to do it but in the way I had some time. And I was sitting near them. And then in even thirty second, we looked at each other and start kissing, and kissing more. And in a meanwhile she kissed the guy and I am kissing the guy. And to go even further things are getting out of hand, even my vulva and her vulva are not free anymore, and in one time I had two fingers in my vagina and in one moment in my mouth, it went crazy in such a short period that I misbehaved and even F was seeing it.

Still amazed in my doing  F looked and things that he wanted to send me home to finish the job… or he finishing working I could go with them…

Here ended my week at the Rosengarten in an different way and even in an open way, because after the couple left I met two Dutch people were I talked with in the night and saying goodbye at three AM. Finishing the work what almost went different, it happened to be that this week came to me in wishes and dreams and ended up in things doing so freely, and with allot of joy. It is another way and maybe different than for all of you reading this. It is a way of life that is where I want more from and what is becoming part of my life. Even after writhing this I am in trance with my head of all the words and feelings I put in this peace. I am feeling free with thoughts that are reality, and with this thought I am getting to new dreams, new dreams to follow and achieve, and one of them is not in Berlin.

It is seven pm, I am sitting in the window of a bar listening to music, my feet are naked and I have a white short dress on, the whole day I walked on heels and I am coming to a peace in myself. Starting this peace of written words with an espresso and a Talisker I am finishing it with a Malbec red wine. It is storming outside and raining all day. I am feeling cosy here at Mano and in love with myself, I am here in berlin living a life I tried to imagine and things of that are coming through, I feel good and what will my night do. Maybe I tell it next week. Thanks for reading I love you all.

And so even writhing this part back home I just ended up with other people talking and making friends, it was an normal night but I met allot of people out of the text I am writhing for my blog. I am here and life is with me doing the things I like. Were is that road I follow or do I flow through it and end-up were I feel good or is there no stop because I am feeling good now.