Things in life are feeling good and the way how I look to the world is joyful. Still the lack of not fully working to sustain myself with enough money is harder than I thought, maybe because of the corona virus. Still it is going on to my last month were I have my money to pay my rent. The expenses are not high but when I see my bike be repaired for the third time now (flat tire…) I see it disappear to easy. Is it the lifestyle that I want to becoming with more problems than ever before or is it the feeling I had in my old days that I was just lucky and never had these expenses that are suddenly there?

Sometimes I think its how you live and want to be happening that it gives you more in life what you get with it. Hard to explain end this will become a next weird text where I want to explain something what is not as easy for me. so still learning to do a kind of tedtalk in the future…. Aaaah it gives me a smile now.

Explaining things in life what we sometimes lack or what we want to follow because we see other people in a situation and we want to feel that same sensation and feelings of that situation. Example of being a popstar is more how does it feel to be one but your life is not capable of doing it. Still u pursue things and wen you work with these efforts you can reach it. Work in progress for you al and so for me. I feel how I am working to reach things in my life that are often for younger people and when I watch myself doing it, I gives me ore guts to reach out to pursue more. The same as hanging in the ropes is one thing, but that A is doing it with me, that is what reached out in what I wanted to feel. And so, I feel that I want to reach out to do more in the development off exploring. Where can I find myself in and the knowing that I am living now in Berlin is the example that it I easier to reach. Mostly because we are with allot of people together and allot of people here are so openminded that u will find the one to explore the things of fantasy and kinky feelings. Or that’s what I am exploring now and try to find out how sustainable it is to hang in these worlds were making porn is also available. (just a hint)

So is that hint one thing I really wont or is my curiosity enough to see how it feels and then let it be. How hard do you need to dive into a world to actually feel how it is. And so, the things I feel to explore are allot to do with sexual related things and the feeling that u reach a body limit is one of them. Some call it pain and some just except things because the world is providing them a good feeling for the moment.

Yesterday I had a nice talk with P and we met each other at an event what I found on fetlife. The talk we had that evening was enough to reach out numbers and the day after we met to take a walk in Tempelhofer field. I really liked the talk and the way how we talked constantly had a good feeling with each other. Looking out to this evening to feel and see how it can come closer to make friends and to enjoy life with people together.

Every week my things explore more in making new friend and contacts and that’s a really good feeling, eventually the need of all dating with people on the internet is coming down slowly to meet people on events and the street and have a nice talk to connect each other in life more and more. And so, my week is going to be different than the my last but with allot of joy not being alone and making friends. It is a kind of effort that is giving me power. So, I hope a little bit of power to find a job next month.

Seeing a beautiful city where I am living in, is feeling more sides than only beautiful sides and things, I see how easy it is to get lost in problems u can make so easy. The feel of seeing a world exploring for yourself Infront of people who just want an easy life without of problems. People who explore to go waisted and fuck life more and more and survive just in asking money from others. And how easy it I wen I feel exploring yourself in how that line is always in sight to do stupid things and fall over into a society that is killing. I don’t want to go there but I feel that it is there. I explore quite dangerous close on that line and I don’t want to fall over. Even telling about it is how I see that it is a way of life that it dares you to live on some edge and I enjoy it. Still with a thought how close things can be between joy and falling over. I am aware of it and I know that I am dancing on it to see where I am feeling comfortable to be.

And it gives me the guts in me, to learn things in myself and how I will find a job to help other people the things I know and tell out that knowledge.